Do you ever worry about what others think of you? Are you sure you’re not good enough? Do you regret decisions you make? If so, you’re not alone. Insecurity impacts everyone’s life, making them feel like they’re not good enough or not capable. It’s that voice in your head that’s convinced you don’t deserve anything. Thankfully, it can be silenced, and with confidence, you can live a much better life.
Insecurity comes into play when people compare themselves to others, fear the judgement of others, or don’t forgive themselves for past deeds. Insecurity stops you from pursuing your dreams and living your life your way, having good relationships, and being happy within your skin. The good news, however, is that you have 100% control over how you feel about yourself. Here are effective ways to be less insecure that you can easily implement to make yourself a better person. From mindset shifts to easy to execute ways, I’ve got you covered on how to learn to love yourself and get rid of insecurity. Let’s go!
Identify Why You’re Insecure.
In order to reduce insecurity, you must identify why you’re insecure. When are you insecure? Where are you insecure? For example, do you question yourself in certain social situations? Do you scroll social media often and second guess your reality? Are there friends who trigger your insecurities or consistently show you why you should rethink your thoughts? Identifying these things will help you acknowledge your insecurities better.
Insecurity comes from many places, and unfortunately, for some people, what others do or how others look intensifies their insecurities. When you see that person at work who has it all together, you might think to yourself, “Why can’t I be like that?” But in reality, what you should learn is that we all have something we struggle with. That person who appears to have it all may be looking at you and feeling insecure that they don’t have the confidence you’re exuding.
Insecurity stems from also things that have happened in the past, incidents. Maybe someone called you ugly when you were little or someone dumped you for a date when they felt you were washed up young. These are things that stay with you like cruel reminders of why you’re not good enough for love, for happiness, for success, and more. To overcome feeling this way, give the horrible memories a name. When you acknowledge what it’s been that made you insecure as opposed to packaging it away in your mind, you’re more prone to try to evict it in reality. What are some moments that make me insecure? Write them down to find a pattern of specific recalls.
Shift Your Mindset About Yourself
One of the best ways to be less insecure about yourself is to change your mindset about who you are. Think of it this way: you think, therefore you are. If you think you’re not good enough, soon enough, you’re going to believe you’re not good enough. If you acknowledge your positive attributes and seek the silver lining in every situation, over time you’re going to feel better and be more confident.
Start by noticing what you say to yourself, how you think about yourself. If you screw something up, say “Wow, I messed that up. I’m such an idiot”. Change the dialogue to be kinder: “I can learn from this mistake”. Something so simple as a positive mindset can go a long way. Treat yourself like your best friend—with love and compassion.
Another way to help yourself is to acknowledge your accomplishments. Are you a good listener? A natural problem solver? Think about the things at which you excel—create a mental log so that you can remind yourself of it when you’re feeling down. You don’t have to be good at everything. No one is! Acknowledging how well you do specific things reaffirms your value.
Finally, eliminate the expectation that everyone should like you. Not everyone will, and that’s okay. What does matter is your satisfaction with how you present yourself. When you start to worry about what so-and-so will think of your last decision, ask yourself: Will this matter in a week? In a month? More often than not, the answer is no. So focus on yourself instead.
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
Comparisons are a downward spiral of insecurity. It’s effortless to see how others live and assume we’re falling behind. With social media continuously bombarding us with updates documenting the best of life, our insecurities can easily explode if we let them. But comparison is an apples to oranges situation—it doesn’t help anyone, and it makes us feel worse.
The truth is we don’t see the whole picture. That person with the “perfect” life has their issues, too; they’re just not posting about them. Instead of focusing on what others have, focus on your achievements. What have you accomplished recently that you’re proud of? What are your benchmarks as steps toward your goals?
Take control if social media feeds your insecurities. Unfollow accounts that make you feel bad about yourself. Follow accounts that empower you or realistic accounts with relatable posts. You can also control your access to social media. Attempt to limit your daily usage to just 30 minutes. See how it feels. You might feel like a breath of fresh air after.
Another way to ease the process of feeling confident is gratitude. When you’re grateful, it’s harder to feel like you’re lacking. What do you appreciate about having a life? Your health? Your family? The fact that it’s sunny outside? Spend a couple of minutes in the morning to think of three things for which you’re grateful. This small activity can change how you frame thoughts about yourself.
Build Confidence Through Small Actions
Gaining confidence is not an overnight process, but a collection of small accomplishments that change over time. It’s like muscle memory; the more you do it, the stronger you become. Therefore, start your new journey to confidence with small challenges and adjustments to get used to what makes you uncomfortable.
For example, if you’re shy and don’t want to speak up, try to offer one contribution in a meeting or get up the courage to talk with someone you don’t know.
Another way to enhance your self-esteem is to achieve minor goals. Whether it’s getting that planned workout three times a week or completing that project you’ve been meaning to tackle for months, achieving these personal feats will make you feel better about yourself and alleviate some of the insecurities. This goes hand-in-hand with acknowledging all achievements, great and small. Did you achieve something that made you step out of your comfort zone? Acknowledge it!
Another method for building confidence is to enhance your appearance. You don’t have to walk down a runway or look like a supermodel. You just have to feel good in your own skin. Wear clothes that work for you and make you feel comfortable, stand up straight, smile, and eye engage those with whom you’re speaking. While this may seem like a minor detail, it changes your body language and the perception of others around you.
Also, don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you find yourself struggling at something, either personally or professionally, turn to your colleagues or friends to help you get through it. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign that you’re willing to learn and grow. Not to mention, you may form a stronger bond with whomever you ask, flattered that you asked them on such a personal level to help.
Surround Yourself with Positive People
One of the most significant ways to impact self-confidence is by surrounding yourself with the right people. Negative Nancy’s or overly critical people will only make you feel bad about yourself and not give you the time to acknowledge how far you’ve come. Supportive families and friends who celebrate even the little wins will help you understand your worth.
Evaluate your relationships. Do the people in your life lift you or lower you? If someone consistently makes you feel bad about yourself or puts you down, it’s time to distance yourself. You don’t have to cut such people out of your life, but you should cut back on time spent with them and increase time with people who make you feel good.
Seek friends who are compassionate, there for you and honest. These are the people who will be happy for you when good things happen and who will offer a helping hand when things go poorly. They will also remind you of your good qualities when you forget them. If you’re still having trouble locating such people, find a club or class or online community where like-minded people go and join. But remember, to be around positive people, you yourself must be positive. Compliment others, listen to their problems and appreciate their endeavors. When you’re kind to others, it creates a karmic cycle of positivity that comes back to you. It’s hard to be insecure when you’re surrounded by people who value you for who you are.
Practice Self-Care Every Day
Start with self-care. Ensure you’re getting good sleep, eating well, and exercising. You don’t need an elaborate meal plan or workout schedule, either; drinking a glass of water daily or taking a 15-minute walk will enhance your mood physically and mentally. And when you’re confident in your appearance, it’s easier to be confident in general.
Self-care extends to mental health as well and plenty of time options, especially daily, much for personal enjoyment. If you’ve been wanting to read a book, practice an instrument, sing in the shower, listen to music during your commute, or binge-watch your latest obsession, now’s the time. These are not merely decompression activities that can reinvigorate you; these are reminders that your joy matters. Should something become overwhelming, breathe through it or vent on paper or electronically instead of in your mind.
Another aspect of self-care is boundaries. When people overextend you, feel free to say no; evaluate how much time and energy you’re willing to spend and give it only to what you love best. Whether this means saying no to extra work or ending a toxic relationship, protecting your energy is one of the best forms of self-care. What’s something small you can do today to practice self-care? Do it.
Accept That Mistakes Are Part of Growth
No one is perfect—and if you’re insecure, you may feel like they are. The longer insecurity holds you back from pursuing opportunities because you’re scared to make mistakes, the tougher a cycle you create for yourself. But mistakes are how we grow and learn.
Insecure people fear themselves. So remember a time when you failed, do you remember that time you said something stupid—that time you let the cat out of the bag? Or maybe that time you dropped the ball? Did it end the world? No. Most failures are not life or death and even if we think they are, we need to step back, reassess, learn from our mistakes, and understand how much worse it could’ve been. Don’t feel bad for yourself, understand what worked and what didn’t.
Learn from your failures—but accept them and move on. If you’ve hurt someone, say you’re sorry, fix what you can, but don’t dwell on what happened in the past. Don’t feel guilty about what can’t be changed—it only fosters insecurity. Instead, realize that everyone has failed here and there—even the most successful people in the world got to where they are through failures, first.
To become accustomed to failure—as opposed to idealized perfection—try things that are new and where you can fail. Take a dance class where it doesn’t matter if you’re on beat or join a painting class with the intention of just learning how to express yourself and not creating a masterpiece. Do something where there are no expectations of success—and enjoy yourself while doing it. The more you’re allowed not to be perfect, the more you’re allowed to be yourself.
Think About What You Can Control
Insecure people feel insecure because they feel they cannot control situations. They worry too much about what others think. They worry too much about results. But story customization happens when someone focuses on what they can control.
For example, you can’t control if someone likes you, but you can control how you treat them. You can’t control the outcome of an interview, but you can control how you prepare and what your answers will be. Therefore, focus your intentions on what you can do and forget the rest.
When you find yourself fixating on something beyond your control, take a moment. Breathe and acknowledge that regardless—whatever the situation is—ask yourself: what can I do about this in this moment? If the answer is nothing, remind yourself to let go of it. If the answer is something, complete one small task; this will keep you in the moment, else feeling overwhelmed only leads to more insecurity.
If you’re really at a loss, try physically writing your insecurities down. Focus on what’s bothering you, then make a list of two things—”Things I Can Control” and “Things I Can’t.” After making that list, forget about the second column and focus on the first. Use this as a means to clear your mind. This can help you focus and give you reminders that there are certain things you, truly, can control.
Celebrate Your Progress
While attempting to feel less insecure, acknowledge where you’ve come from to get to where you are. It’s easy to remind yourself of things you didn’t have or accomplishments you still need to achieve because they can be frustrating and quite counterproductive to motivation. So, give yourself a pat on the back for every single achievement, no matter how small, as it’s all one step further from where you started.
For example, acknowledge where you are coming from. Maybe you used to be scared to approach strangers at networking events and now you’re casually mingling with multiple people. Maybe you used to beat yourself up for making a mistake and now you’re getting comfortable acknowledging that mistake with compassion for it’s part of your journey.
Also, keep a log of your achievements as reminders. If you ever feel insecure, look back. One thing you’ve accomplished or felt good about recently could be standing up for an uncomfortable situation or welcoming new opportunities. You don’t have to have made a giant life change to acknowledge growth.
And don’t forget to celebrate all victories. If you like something, give yourself permission to have it. Whether it’s a special snack or an interesting field trip, these minirewards reinforce that you’re doing a great job. The longer you do it, the more non insecurity will fade away.
Conclusion
Decreasing insecurity won’t happen overnight. It takes time, effort and patience, but as long as every incremental step is taken, you will get one step closer to the real, confident you. It just takes time to assess where your insecurity is coming from, changing your mindset, positively adjusting where adjustments need to be made, and giving yourself the confidence you deserve. Ensure you’re surrounded by like minded, positive people, practice self-care and mindfulness, and understand that making mistakes is part of the process—focus on what you can control and remember to enjoy little victories along the way.
You don’t need to be perfect to be great. You’re already great to begin with; the more you realize that, the less insecurity can take hold of your life. What is one thing you can do for yourself right now to make you feel just a little more confident? Start there, and keep it going! You got this!